May this entry be the beginning of a happy and productive experience. So far, I've come up with some disappointing revelations.

I guess I owe this journal to Silver Ravenwolf, who honestly made me start to question the (rotting) foundations of my spiritual evolution. I haven't grown a whole lot spiritually in the last year, probably because of the complete chaos that has overwhelmed my life until recently.

It was Ravenwolf who finally made it clear just how important it is to talk to your ancestors, to have them guide you and to have them just be with you in your daily life.

I tried that last night. Talking to my ancestors, I mean. I found them receptive and happy to talk to me...until I revealed my secret, my great burden, the reason behind most of my magick these days. They (these are only the women I was talking to) seemed anywhere from stunned to confused to simply silent. None of them seemed quite as enthusiastic to talk to me after that.

So much for family.

Now....what I'm wondering is if my perceptions of them are somehow a reflection of how I *see* family, a reflection of my own fears and insecurities. Could be. I guess I won't know one way or another until I grow more spiritually adept and I start receiving genuine feedback.

Either way, for now it's just me and my gods. And they don't even feel particularly friendly at the moment (but not unfriendly...). I think I'm gonna have to continue to do without family, just as I've always done, and just as I may always do.

Just goes to prove...you can't tell *anyone*. EVER. A girl is a girl, and a girl she will be until she says otherwise.

Current Location: Work
Current Music: Call Center Noise